Insecurities. Affirmations. Then progress.
It’s been about a month since a posted my very first YouTube video. As I began, I felt very self-conscious, insecure. As I’ve continued, I’ve become more comfortable being on the other side of the camera, imagining that all there was to it is talking to an old friend. But only after identifying the insecurity, and giving myself a stiff dose of positive affirmation, was I able to progress.
I realize that I do this with many things. It isn’t a matter of being brave. I know that I’m not naturally inclined that way. Sometimes I don’t even recognize an insecurity, I just feel a sense of dread in the pit of my stomach. I may not see or notice it until it’s a full blown elephant in the room. Perhaps someone will have to say to me, “So, about this elephant…”
Insecurities are incredibly stifling. Keeping me away from my best possible self and undoubtedly stalling progress. Some are with me constantly, developed in some distant time and place. Their context long lost. Others are random and recent. Like spontaneous purchases in the check-out line. It may have seemed like a good idea at the time, but really, I didn’t need it. Buyer’s remorse: I never mean to buy into negative thoughts.
The nagging thoughts must be stopped. Replaced with positive thoughts and affirmations.
I want to share my perspective with the world, and in order to do so I must step out of what is comfortable. The world is full of mundane, but I look closer to find the beauty within the mundane. Scanning the overgrowth to find the gems. The way the light shines through the trees, the tiny world of a mushroom on the lawn, the pattern and repetition of little daisies. The size and texture of kiwi leafs. Just big enough to cover one’s self like Eve in a master’s painting. Ah, yes. I’m describing Friday’s YouTube video.
Now comes into play the, “Get over yourself” part of the conversation. Those much needed affirmations. Being scared to death but doing it anyway. Bravery. I said earlier I’m not brave. I changed my mind. Which is what it takes to overcome my insecurities: changing my mind.
Will sewing leaves together and wearing them be misunderstood? Likely.
Is it body positive? Yes.
Is it poking just a little fun at our ideas of shame, forced and systemic modesty, and nudity? Yes!!!
Years ago, I had the idea to create a leaf costume and create a self portrait as Eve. It has sat unseen. That is where insecurities take me. Nowhere.
Now I progress. My ideas and art are expanding and growing. I can do this.